Not a good combination to aid healthy outlooks or positive self-reflection. My schedule and bad attitude have given me permission to avoid meetings for the last few weeks. I'm feeling like shit, physically as well as spiritually.
Being exhausted and frustrated with demands at work along with picking up some delightful bug along the way have created the fertile ground in which I have been sowing the seeds of fear, suspicion, fatalism and resentment.
What I find interesting, now that I'm actually looking at it from the edge of the cesspool instead of dog-paddling around the middle of it (don't worry, my feet and legs are still dangling in and I'm still covered in it) is that for the first time, I can see just how twisted and myopic my thinking (believing) becomes when I'm not vigilant over my serenity.
I am literally exhausted by my fearful thoughts. And the coughing, that's pretty exhausting too, but my mental state is what's really dragging me down.
I'm going to drink tea on the couch for one complete 24 hour period and then no matter how I feel, I'm going to get to a meeting this weekend. Reading the blogs is nice, but for the first time, while they still give me great insight and a measure of comfort, they are also like a wagging finger...."this isn't enough my dear woman, you need to get out and do YOUR work..." OK. OK. You're right, I do.
Good for you...! knowing what it's about (exhaustion and attitude and being sick); but moreso, for knowing what to do (tea and rest and a meeting) and doing it.
ReplyDeleteThinking of both your 11/10 and 11/11 posts, below are a few thoughts that have been a help to me from the Hope For Today meditation book.
"My life matters."
"How easily do I give away my serenity?"
"I heard many members say their group loved them until they loved themselves."
"The most important person to gain love and respect [and trust] from is myself." (
May the force [er, higher power] be with you : ) .