I'm happy to have the anxiety and expectations of Christmas behind me. I realize that my drive to out-do myself in spite of any well intentioned resolutions made in November about "simplifying" and "getting back to the spirit of the season" is just a magnification of my year-round need to please.
If I have constant feelings of insecurity and inadequacy regarding my children, partner, family, work responsibilities, etc. etc ..... this time of year is just directing the power of the sun through a magnifying glass on my character defects.
That recognized and stated cyber-out-loud, I find that I can relax and take it easy on myself. Just recognizing it for what it is feels like a big relief and progress. My kids and family love me just as much today as they did on the 24th and I know that it has nothing to do with what they did or did not open up on Christmas morning. We had a lot of together time, food, fun and lots of laughs. At this point, that's all I want.
We did make a deal - my girls and I talked about how I wanted to deconstruct the frenzy of Christmas and honor them with a carefully and individually chosen gift and dinner on birthdays instead. I told them that I'm hoping to make this the new tradition now that they're grown and really don't need a pile of stuff under a tree to be happy. There was a lot of positive response to this, and some discussion about what their friends are doing this time of year. We got to talking about all of the community service work everyone does this time of year(You have to reserve a spot months in advance to be able to volunteer at the big soup kitchen in our city and if you haven't claimed a shelter family to shower with gifts by Halloween, you probably won't get one) and then began reflecting on what those places must do the rest of the year when folks go back to their regular busy lives and responsibilities.
We decided that part of our new tradition was that the birthday boy or girl gets to choose a volunteer activity to do all together before a nice dinner and that special gift. This means we'll be offering to serve and interact with our greater community at least 4 or 5 times a year. I have high hopes for this being not only a much needed resource for some of the great Agencies here, but a chance for us to come together to recognize our social responsibility and to be reminded how rich and gifted our lives already are.
My hope for the New Year is to balance mindfulness of my self and my needs with those of my fellow man. I suspect this will be a great aid to the serenity I seek. I wish that for everyone, not just me.
I managed some simplifications this Christmas, with my needs in mind, and also with the spirit of the season in mind. My efforts were late and need-based and disorganized and the results were imperfect. But it was an-almost-valiant start in the right direction, a start towards simplicity and self-assertion. That in itself is my own big relief and progress. I'm pleased. It's the second of two big such steps I've taken since joining Al-Anon.
ReplyDeleteThe plans you're making with your children are inspiring... Hats off...
If I may say so, and I may have said so before, you have a delightful way with words. In addition to my admiration of your post, I simply laughed out loud in appreciation at some of your expressions and messages.
uvaskris, thank you for your feedback at my site... which I found so encouraging. I hope to write more there in the near future. I have so much to add to the site already and I have so much that comes to mind every day plus I sooo lose track of time when reading and writing and researching. Blogging logistics seem daunting right now. As well as finding my approach and rhythm in Al-Anon, I'll have to create an approach and rhythm to blogging, too - a responsible one :) . That your experience parallels mine in some ways interests me because experience and history and the present day with alcoholics/addicts differs so widely among Al-Anon members. Again, thank you...
ReplyDeleteLove the reference to the magnifying glass on character defects! That's exactly how I feel during the holidays - like I'm skidding out of control - for no apparent reason. Thanks for your writing.
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