I am thinking a lot about time, death, lost opportunities, lost time, all the ingredients for some serious regret. I'm thinking about people who are leaving us and those that will and how I last interacted with them. Avoidance. Difficulty being able to humbly state my wrongs and move forward.
Watching others find their way with loss and wondering how I'll do and how will I feel if I have not made my amends.
Thinking about lost time and an entire lifetime of feeling less than. Wanting to be loved, pretty, popular, accepted, desired....and never really believing it when there was a hint of any of those possibilities. Now I struggle with the idea of using my little resources to either live life, travel, enjoy those I love OR have the looks I so dearly and dreadfully want. Will they really make me happy? What's looking good if you're all alone and not out enjoying the world and life.
But there are those feelings so deep down, the if only thoughts about the superficial things.
I feel as if I'm running from the real change by getting work done, but then I feel that I'm rationalizing and settling if I don't. I hope more will be revealed and that I will be open to receiving it.
uvaskris, I saw your comment on Syd's blog--he a GREAT Alanon. I'm alcoholic, so don't listen to me--grin! It might interest you, my last two posts
ReplyDelete...click HERE for Oct 9 and Oct. 19th posts. Most of other stuff is just either AA...or stupid poetry, but those two are from where my wife and I have just returned.
NOW...Re, your blog post:
ReplyDeleteAny 'me', even the new, contains some of the old. That is why we Both AA and Alanon, have the same (except for one word in Step 12) Steps, to follow, eventually weed out the old we don't wish to keep.
From the sound of your post, you are well on the way to a recovery you have never imagined could be.
BTW, I'm not out to "gather new followers", or even "make new friends"...so I won't be bugging--sounds like 'blogging'--you, OK? But feel free to respond if you wish. Good luck!
PEACE!
Steve.
Oh sorry, one more thing (comes from being age 78!!!).
ReplyDeleteI like your blog VERY much, it is good to see our thoughts in print, it often 'straightens them out'
Last time--goodbye!
Thank you so much for your comments, observations, musings and general banter! I am delighted to hear from you and went straight over and read a bunch of stuff on your blog. It may interest you to know that I, too, live with a sober musician...never a dull moment!
ReplyDelete