Today's question: how do I discern between the voices in my head? Oh, yes, there are definitely a chorus of them. Or as my AA friends call them...the committee. Part of the committee is telling me to mind my side of the street, be my best me, do the next right thing, honor my dignity and walk my walk. Give the benefit of the doubt, assume the best and expect grace.
Then there are those sitting at the other end of the table, the members of the committee who show up without their homework, texting instead of listening to the presentation and making scoffing noises when I attempt to take a higher view of the things that have the capacity to make me nuts in the blink of an eye....the ideas that lurk in my mind-shadows just waiting to leap out - "aaahHA!! I knew I couldn't trust you!" "I saw that, yeah I don't know quite what I saw but I KNOW it can't be good!"
The evolved and well meaning thoughts just sit there stunned, letting the asshole thoughts in the back of the room run roughshod over my serenity. And you know what? Even though I'm sitting here thinking that everything is really OK and that I just let myself have a moment of crazy - the motley crazy-crew of toxic thinking is milling around outside in the hallway, just waiting for me to forget they're there for a minute. When, oh when, will crazy wait in the car or possibly just go on home and leave me alone?
There is a thought to fall asleep to. Maybe I'll have some clarity tomorrow. Hope and pray people, that's the best we can do. Nite-nite.
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